Emotional Wreckage in a Refrigerator

I'm working with WorkOut on Bravo in the background. Just heard Jessie (?) refer to food as Emotional Wreckage in a Refrigerator. Or a pantry. Whatever. But it's SO true. Right now, whatever I'm feeling is what I'm wearing on my ass and thighs and gut and arms and calves.

And I've clearly been lying to myself left and right.

"I'm starting back on program today."

"I'm journaling everything for the next week."

"I can do this."

I've been back on program for two days. I think I wanted to believe that Medifast was really THAT easy. That I could just buy the product and I would follow the program.

I didn't count on my ingrained habit of turning to food when I get frustrated with work. With my weight. With my relationship. With my horse's health. With my lack of control over my kids. With myself. With my computer programs. With code that stops working. With not working out. With my perceived inadequacies.

For today, instead of turning to the PB or other food that is off program, I'm trying to just sit with the emotions. Eating doesn't ease them or fix them. It's really just an easy distraction that reinforces the negative emotions.

Today, I've had

1. One Medifast Bar
2. One DCS
3. Another DCS
   

• Four? Diet Cokeuses
  
• 5 Black Olives
• 2 slices Swiss Cheese (NOT on program, really)
• 2 Morningstar Farms Sausage patties